So I'm not much of a Twilight fan and I kind of didn't know that the Edward guy and the Bella chick were a real life thing until I walked into 7-11 today and saw the September 3 cover of OK! magazine. It's headline blared ENGAGED! Now I'm sure Myra can fill us in on the veracity of this claim, but if it's true I feel really bad for Stephenie Meyer. That is not the kind of pressure anyone needs. It really got me thinking. Had Stephenie Meyer not written the books (or had they not been published or not become popular or any number of other ifs) then the movies never would have been made and these two kids probably would have never worked together and they therefore would not have fallen in love and they wouldn't be rumored by OK! magazine to be ENGAGED! So basically, their entire lives have been altered because of some Mormon lady's imagination. That's just plain scary. And now, if they marry and eventually divorce, which, let's face it, they probably will, some of the anguish and hurt feelings and animosity that seems to associate itself with divorce will be at least partially Stephenie Meyer's fault. The whole thing reminds me of Back to the Future, but then again, most things do.
Did you hear about CNN medical correspondent and one time candidate for Surgeon General, Sanjay Gupta contracting the swine flu? I'd say that pretty much guarantees the rest of us getting it too. I mean, if Sanjay Gupta can't stay healthy, what are the chances of me, who spends his day in close proximity to 56 runny-nosed third graders, staving off the virus? The only thing that sounds worse than getting the "swine flu" is coming down with a case of the "Guptas."
Speaking of vampires, The Wife sunk her fangs into my creative genius and extracted my "If you could be any animal, what animal would you be?" question for use as a journal prompt with her sixth graders. One girl responded, "I wouldn't be any animal. I'd want to be a vampire. But not a sparkling, moral kind of vampire. More like Vladimir Tod." I hope she doesn't say that to OK! magazine. Robsten would not be impressed.
And I'd like to send a message to Ms. Hannah Montana. Ms. Montana, could you please stop recording catchy tunes? Despite the self-loathing that immediately follows, I can't help singing along to "Party in the U.S.A.", and neither can The Wife.