Thursday, December 23, 2010

Poetry and Christmas Gifts Go Together Like Chocolate and Milk

Here's the poem I attached to the Yankee Swap present that I took to today's Christmas gathering:

"Shit You Sometimes Need"

If you want a sexy gift
then this one's not for you.
It will not make your car shine
it doesn't make fondue.
There are no gift cards in this box,
no wine or Lotto tickets.
Once it's open the response we'll hear
will probably resemble crickets.
These are things you hate to buy
so please, do not get peeved.
If you're a girl or a guy
it's shit you sometimes need.
So if you hate it, pack it up
Put it right back in the box.
And just be glad you didn't get
six pairs of argyle socks.
You might regret the choice you made
it may remind you of what's in your colon.
But like Jesus's birth, miracles happen
and your gift could still get stolen.

Because even at Christmas, I'm all about fecal references.


Unknown said...

what was the gift? chocolate milk?

Anita said...

Yeah, like Tracy, I've gotta know what was in the box. Fun poem.

Kelly Polark said...

Did you get some giggles from the poem?

I seriously love to get socks as a gift.

Unknown said...

I gave a bunch of boring, practical stuff. AA batteries, stamps, envelopes, light bulbs, toothpaste, Kleenex. It was actually stolen once, by my mom, who really enjoys sensible things, and who still worries about my hurt feelings.

Anita said...

We play that steal the present game at my husband's work parties. This is a bunch of military pilots and their psycho (I mean that in a nice way) wives. When people want to fight over a present, they play a shocking game. I mean that literally. We shock each other. I've lost and it hurts like H-E-L-L...and not just because I didn't get the present.