Wednesday, April 28, 2010

A Fart Poem

Anita was supposed to write a fart poem for Tracy's son, but she's all stressed out about her revisions and couldn't get it going. She wanted me to lead a group effort, but I don't play well with others. So since my own writing is a bit stalled (thanks partly to a dead laptop), I figured I'd just take a shot at it. (And, let's face it, I like writing fart poems.) So here it is in all its glory.

A Mystery Solved

By me

There are many questions in this world,

I wanted to answer one.

I needed little for my task--

No food, no map, no gun.

I didn’t need to travel far,

Or save a lot of money.

It didn’t matter if it rained

Or was overcast or sunny.

Bigfoot I did not care about,

The Loch Ness Monster? Boring.

Vampires, Werewolves, Zombie Hoards

all just left me snoring.

The Bermuda Triangle swallowed planes,

Raleigh wrote CROATOAN.

Did aliens build the Pyramids?

I don’t care or KNOWAN.

The mystery for me to solve was sitting in a chair.

Her eyes were getting heavy,

She fell asleep right there.

I listened very carefully,

The moment was at hand.

I dared not move a muscle,

Things were just how I had planned.

And then I heard it, a booming roar,

It gave me such a start.

My question had finally been answered.

Yes, even grandmas fart.

Now, go forth and write your own fart poem. Tracy's son is a fiend.


Anita said...

I loooove it!

Anita said...

Not long ago
a little boy was born
sunny and sweet
out in Californ.

His mom is pretty
and ever so dainty.
But his dad, for sure,
well, he plain ainty.

By mixing the genes
all is right.
Boy smiles by day
and farts by night.

And that is the end
of my story.

Tracy Edward Wymer said...

I'm blushing, like a bright red newborn bottom that just let one go.

Seriously, I'm printing these out, framing them, and hanging them on the wall in place of the car and truck picture. Well, let me talk to Wife first.

Tina Laurel Lee said...

Those are beauties! This blog is all love and light!

Paul Michael Murphy said...

And farts. Don't forget farts.

Wendy Sparrow said...

LOL.... nice one...

Wait! Raleigh wrote Croatoan? When did we find that out??? and how come no one told me?

**Oh... I gave you bonus points for that rhyme.

Paul Michael Murphy said...

I may have taken some liberties with the history of Roanoke Island.

Be a lot cooler if he did, though, right?

angela said...


There are few things that can make me laugh more than farts. A close second to the actual fart is the fart poem.

Give me some time, I'll try to come up with a good one (and I'll let you know if the pun was intended ;)

angela said...

I ate something very yummy,
"Rumble rumble" goes my tummy.
Now its time for the best part-
Who needs dessert when you can fart!