Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Yes! I've Been Tagged!

Anita tagged me. I believe she thinks I don't like being tagged, but she couldn't be more wrong. I love being tagged. Unlike Tracy, who pretends to be put out by the obligation, I relish the opportunity to talk about the one topic I both know and love--me.

You don't know how often I start to blog and then stop and say, "Come on, Murph. Think of your readers. I know you love talking about yourself and yes, it is true that you live a fascinating life full of dangerous escapades like drinking milk even though it's supposedly expired, but it is possible, just possible, that your readers don't feel quite the same way." And then I delete the entire post about exactly how I beat LSU in College Football 2007 on my X-Box or how I found an old Cheeto between the couch cushions and just for a second considered eating it or how Quality Dairy has chocolate milk on sale. And I write some lame review about a book that garners five lousy comments instead.

But being tagged gives me permission--no, it demands that I tell you all about my inspirational existence. And so, without Freddy Adu...

Where was I five years ago?

I can't remember five days ago. Not kidding.

Where would I like to be five years from now?

Doing exactly this. Blogging about myself so that five people can read it and three people can comment. That would be so awesome. Personal growth and ambition are overrated anyway. I prefer the Vanna White method of self-improvement: Find something anybody can do and stick with it.

What was on my to-do list today:

  • Pick up new dining room set from furniture store. Did it.
  • Put set together. Yeah, right.
  • Mow the lawn. Figured it could wait another day.
  • Write blog post in which I answer questions nobody cares about. In fact, I'm betting most of you have already considered clicking off here.
Five snacks I enjoy:

1. Cheetos
2. Combos
3. Just about anything on a toothpick (see photo above)
4. Pringles
5. Ice Cream

If I Were a Billionaire I Would:

Wait until the Powerball jackpot reached $300 million. I would then buy 196 million tickets because the odds of winning are about 1 in 195 million. I would buy every possible combination, therefore insuring my victory. Provided I don't have to share any jackpots, I would make a profit of about $100 million each time I did this. I would then write a book called How to Win at Powerball--Guaranteed! and make infomercials like that Kevin Trudeau guy. And when people saw me, they'd say, "Hey, I recognize that guy from somewhere." And someone else would say, "Yeah, I think he sells food dehydrators." And the other guy would say, "No, that's not it."


Anita said...

Well, if I'd known you'd like it, I wouldn't have done it. Darn.

No choco milk?

Kelly said...

Enjoy eating Cheetos and ice cream washed down with chocolate milk (or beer) at your new dining room table!

Tracy Edward Wymer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tracy Edward Wymer said...

Not a bad investment plan, but when Uncle Sam takes half your winnings you'll be screwed.

Paul Michael Murphy said...

I figured Uncle Same would get a good chunk of the billion anyway.

And chocolate milk is not a "snack." It is a gift from the gods and as such shall be referred to only as "divine sustenance."

Corey Schwartz said...

Ha, ha. You crack me up :)

Jonathon Arntson said...

You mean Ambrosia?

Paul Michael Murphy said...

Sure, ambrosia. Sounds good.

Anita said...

I got a dining set the same day you got a dining set. I think you should invest your billion in a dining set business.

Cozy Dining Sets said...

Each outdoor furniture dining set is specifically manufactured for outdoor use. Tables and chairs are 100% resistant to all kinds of weather conditions. Find out more here Thanks!

Anita said...

Oh, man! That is hilarious!

Jonathon Arntson said...

You mean IKEA?

Tina Laurel Lee said...

I could read about you all day, PMM.

Anita said...

I'm bored. I wish you'd post something.