Monday, August 9, 2010

Didn't See That One Coming

I started running over Spring Break and I've been really good about keeping at it all summer. And if you would have told me back in April that the biggest problem I'd have in August was painful nipples, I'd have given you the same look I gave the TV when I watched this.

Apparently, nipples are sensitive. Some of you may have already known this, but I've always had a strict policy regarding my own. Specifically, I like to pretend they're not there. Adhering to this policy has become difficult, though, because whenever I run five or more miles the suckers really hurt.

The Wife did some research (because, in accordance with the above stated policy, I was busy pretending the pain was a figment of my imagination) and learned that the problem is pretty much what you'd think. You sweat, the nipples get hard, they rub against the shirt, and the salt in the sweat acts like grains of sand, and there you have it, sore nips.

So now, before I run, I put Band-aids on them which I hate doing because 1. We don't have that many Band-aids in the house and I'd hate to actually need one and find them all gone because I used them on my stupid, shouldn't-be-there-in-the-first-place nipples, and 2. they don't work all that well because you put them on when the nipples are smushy and then when they turn unsmushy the Band-Aid is no longer flush and you've got the potential for chafing anyway and 3. the whole process forces me to spend way too much time thinking about, looking at, and tending to my nipples.

I have figured out a remedy, though. I've never once even thought about them while sitting on the couch eating ice cream.

8 comments:

Corey Schwartz said...

Oh, we just saw an episode of The Office where Andy has this exact same problem. (Just thought youmight like to know that you are not alone :)

Debra L. Schubert said...

I'm so glad you shared this with us. We females feel your pain.

Paul Michael Murphy said...

I haven't seen that one, Corey.

You're welcome, Debra. In the absence of anything substantive, blog about sore body parts. You can't go wrong.

The Wife said...

*shakes head*
You blogged about your nipples? Really?

Anita said...

I know I commented here! Are you deleting my comments now?!

Paul Michael Murphy said...

Nope, Anita. Never saw it. Perhaps you fouled up the word verification.

And wife: I just thought people other than you should be subjected to my whining.

Richard said...

I stumbled across your blog by accident and was very impressed. You have a witty and wacky sense of humor and I bet that you are very popular with your students. It's still summer so I have a YA suggestion for your nightstand- The Boneshaker by Kate Milford. This is Ms Milford's first book and it is already generating Newbery and National Book Award buzz on several blogs. A 13 year girl in a small town in 1913 clashes with an evil doctor whose traveling medicine show sets up in Arcane, Missouri. His magic elixir initially causes amazing "cures" but then horrifying side effects ensue. Realistically drawn characters, beautifully descriptive passages, and a believable, intricate,and fast-paced plot combine with automata, contests and deals with the devil, and elements of Steampunk. Try it while your body parts heal.

Ray Veen said...

Get like a double-A sports bra. Let us know how it works.