It said this:
Your website, in the very lucky event that an editor decides to look you up, should tell the editor more about who you are as a person-- your other pursuits, anything that makes you particularly well suited to write for kids, your sense of humor, that sort of thing. Your website is a chance to make the editor think, "I like this person. She seems pleasant and fun, and not needy, neurotic, or crazy. I might enjoy working with her."
Now, I'm a sucker for good advice, so let me address the above.
My name is Paul Michael Murphy and I am not needy, crazy, or neorotic. Well okay, I'm a little neurotic, but my neuroses are limited to very specific areas of my life. For example, I always, always order four hot mustards with my Chicken McNuggets because I like to dip my fries in it. And when I eat this meal, I take a bite of McNugget followed by two French fries, round and round, until I have just one bite of McNugget and two French fries left. But other than that, I'm pretty normal.
Now, as for "other pursuits," a few times a year I try to break my previous scoring record (126 points, six minute quarters) in NCAA Football 07 on my X-Box. I also once had the goal of reading all 100 of The Modern Library's 100 Best Novels. I read 29, and for the record, I'm voting Portnoy's Complaint number 1 because it was the funniest. I used to enjoy pursuing females, except that I never really actually "pursued" them. I mostly stood in the corner with my guy friends and tried to look cool while hoping that a hot girl would approach me. Eventually, the hot girl interned in the classroom next to mine during my first year of teaching and I ended up marrying her. If you think this was inappropriate, let me assure you that it was not. First, it was during the Clinton years. Second, she wasn't my intern. And third, I waited until the term was finished and she moved to another school before asking her out. As for other pursuits, I like sports, but I no longer "pursue" them much. Mostly I just watch them on TV.
You will be interested to know that I am particularly suited to write for kids for three reasons.
- I've been teaching them for the past nine years.
- I have a child of my own.
- I used to be one.
As for my sense of humor, allow me to share with you my favorite joke:
There are three men flying on a plane. The first one is a basketball player. The second is a football player. The third is a soldier. The basketball player throws his basketball off the plane then jumps after it on a parachute. Then the football player throws his football off the plane and jumps after it on a parachute. Then the soldier throws a grenade off the plane and jumps after it on a parachute. On the ground, the basketball player is walking down a street and sees a boy crying. He asks the boy, "Why are you crying?" and the boy says, "A basketball fell from the sky and hit me on the head." The football player is also walking down the street and sees a boy crying. He asks the boy "Why are you crying?" and the boy says, "A football fell from the sky and hit me on the head." The soldier comes walking down the street and sees a boy laughing hysterically. He asks the boy, "Why are you laughing?" and the boy answers, "Because I farted and my house blew up!"
I'd say that pretty much explains the kind of stuff I find funny.
I will now patiently await your frantic attempts to sign me to a massive, multi-book contract.
Paul Michael Murphy