GUIDELINES ARE FOR THE UNCREATIVE

If you're like me and you read lots of writer and agent blogs, you've probably already seen this because it was linked to on Swivet. It was originally posted for public consumption (and mockery) by Jodi Meadows, an intern for agent Jenny Rappaport, on her livejournal. It is a query letter from some delu--I mean, aspiring writer--seeking representation (I guess. It never exactly asks for this). The dude writes:

I HAVE NOVELS BETTER THAN HARRY POTTER, I LOST EVERYTHING I OWNED BECAUSE OF A LIE. MY WRITING IS GREAT IF YOU HAVE IMAGINATION. GUIDELINES ARE FOR THE UNCREATIVE. MY NOVELS ARE SCI-FI-FANTASY-COPING. IF YOU ARE A REAL AGENT YOU CAN GET ME THE BOOK DEAL I WANT.

Now the reason I am sharing this gem with you is to first, ridicule it, and second, share its genius with you, my loyal readers (now numbering two, I think).

Eh, on second thought, let's skip the ridicule part. It would be fun, but a little too easy. Instead, let me tell you why I love the above and why Ms. Rappaport probably did miss out on the next JK Rowling (or better, right?)

First, you have a writer here who knows how to write an arresting first line. Not only that, he knows what this business is all about. This is clearly someone an agent should be interested in. Unless the agent doesn't want to make money, I guess.

Then there's the second sentence, "I lost everything I own because of a lie." If that doesn't make the reader ask questions, I don't know what will. I must read on. "My writing is great if you have imagination." Has a truer statement ever been made? Isn't this true of all great writing?

The next sentence is my favorite and demonstrates how profound this writer can be. "Guidelines are for the uncreative." I'm making that my new mantra. I may even rename the blog GUIDELINES ARE FOR THE UNCREATIVE. I'm going to make it my mission in life (okay, the next couple of days) to post this on as many blogs and message boards as I can.

"My novels are sci-fi-fantasy-coping." Here we have a writer who is willing to forge new ground. A pioneer who will not be trapped in the status quo of the publishing industry's established genres. After all, GUIDELINES (and genres) ARE FOR THE UNCREATIVE.

And lastly, "If you are a real agent, you can get me the book deal I want." That's right, brother. You tell 'em. After all, if Jodi Reamer can make a millionaire out of Stephenie Meyer, then shouldn't any agent worth her salt be able to take whatever genius the author of this email must have surely written and get him the book deal he wants? I mean, I don't know about you, but for me Sci-Fi-Fantasy-Coping anything beats glittery, controlling vampires every time.

Overall, it's a stellar query. Short and to the point. There is not a wasted word to be found. It's attention grabbing with its unconventional use of all caps and it gives us a glimpse into this writer's style (and severly scarred heart and soul). Finally, the query ends with a challenge and what serious agent can resist that?