Wednesday, March 10, 2010

My Thoughts on the News

I usually avoid current events on here because I like to keep things light and I don't want people to feel bad when they realize they've been wrong about important issues after reading my enlightening posts. But a loyal reader wanted to know my take on a couple of news items,* so I thought I'd oblige.

  • Apparently, there's a representative from New York named Eric Massa who was the tragic victim of "kill the old guy" at his 50th birthday party. "Kill the old guy" is a popular game played by many fifty-year-old men at birthday parties. It involves groping other men, being tackled, and tickling others until they can't breathe. Yummy! Can't wait till I turn 50!
  • Corey Haim died of an overdose. If you're trying to remember which Corey that is, it's the one you would have least expected to die of an overdose.
  • If you're driving a Toyota, stop. If you can, that is.
  • I guess there's something going on with Health Care.
  • I've now emailed V.P. Biden three times about his chocolate milk preference and he has yet to respond. The last time I emailed, I pretended to be a six-year-old boy. Apparently, Joe Biden hates six-year-olds. Instead of answering this important question, V.P. Biden is off in Israel working on peace with the Palestinians, as if that's going to happen. Nice priorities, Joe.
  • Lindsay Lohan is suing E-Trade because she's a crazy drunk. Or because she thinks it's bad to drink a lot of milk. Or because she wants money. I don't know.
  • The Central Falls school board canned the entire staff of Central Falls High because they have a sorry graduation rate. So if you're a really great teacher who would love to work in a district that obviously respects teachers and works with them to improve their students' education, then Central Falls is the place for you! I'm sure they'll get lots of great candidates.
* Not really.


Jonathon Arntson said...

In Rhode Island? They have a low graduation rate in Rhode Island? WTF are they doing all day, trying to take a picture of Providence's skyline from where Lois and Peter's house is supposed to be?

Corey Schwartz said...

Thanks. I feel enlightened.

Tracy Edward Wymer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tracy Edward Wymer said...

Biden, Schmiden. Jerk.

Debra L. Schubert said...

Lindsay seems to think her name is a 'one word name' akin to Oprah or Whoopie or Madonna. Um, guess what Lindsay? There are like a million of you running around out there. Most of them aren't drunk like you, but a lot of them do drink milk. Deal.

Rena said...

Most of the news stories we hear these days are absolutely insane, regardless where you even stand on political issues.

The Toyota stuff is scary. My husband listened to the 911 call of the first victim as his car sped out of control. The call went on all the way through the crash. All 4 people died. Horrible stuff.

LOL @ Biden. Knowing him, I'm SURE he'll get back to you as soon as he can.

Anita said...

I drive a Toyota, but it's so old I don't think it's one of the vehicles in question.

Amy Allgeyer Cook said...

This was really depressing.

Ray Veen said...

Thank you for saving me the trouble of forming my own opinions.

Heather Kelly said...

My mother drives a Toyota and is a retired teacher. And, I live relatively close to that RI fiasco. Good times.

And--you made me laugh five times. You're giving Jon Stewart a run for his money today.