Sunday, June 14, 2009

So, That Weight Loss Thing...

Well weren't we the busy bunch while I was away? Imagine how it felt to see that eleven comments were added in my absence. Never mind, don't imagine it. I will tell you. It felt like I'd imagine it would feel if I took a vacation and came home to find that people had been living in my home. Blog squatters is what you are!

So I'm sure you all want to know how my golfing weekend went. (And for those of you who don't, I give you this instead.) I'm going to recap the weekend in the form of a box score because even though Benjamin Disraeli said, "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics," he was also a politician and was therefore, almost by definition, a liar himself. And if I learned anything from Mark Furhman's testimony in the O.J. Simpson case, it is that once you are caught in a lie, anything else you say must be met with extreme skepticism, and so I have to assume Mr. Disraeli was lying when he said the above, which would mean that statistics are not lies at all. (My favorite quote about statistics? "Statisticians do it continuously but discretely.")

THE STATS:

3 days
8 men (I use the term loosely here)
81 holes of golf. Each.
7 birdies. Total.
22 golf balls lost (That's just me.)
8 golf balls found
90 sausages (links and patties combined)
16 hamburgers
33 brats
12 baby back ribs
160+ beverage cans (the cans did not contain grape Kool-Aid)

And then there's the number that I'm sure you're dying to know. You will recall that last Sunday I bemoaned my weight and I may have said something about exercising. I also said something about how blogging about my "progress" would help motivate me. And it would have. It really would have. I honestly thought about taking my running shoes with me and jogging in the mornings.

But here's the problem: I have extreme feet. At night, they are like blocks of ice. If I wear socks, they sweat. If I wear socks and shoes, they really sweat. And if I run while wearing socks and shoes? Well, you can imagine the smell. Never mind, don't bother. I will tell you. My stinky socks, shoes, and feet smell like vinegar. And because I've used the shoes on more than one occasion, they've acquired a permanent smell that is rather offensive. I have to keep them outside of the house.

So there was no way I was going to subject my friends to this foul odor. The shoes had to stay home, and with them, any hope of losing weight.

THE WEIGHT LOSS STATS:

After one week, I have gained one pound.

But you know what they say about statistics...lies, damned lies.

11 comments:

Monica said...

you can get stinky feet stuff via prescription. I'll get the name of it, and pass it on to you. My friend Patsy uses it, and swears by it. you picked a bad week to start.

Big Plain V said...

But you know that would happen. One pound is nothing. Could have been much worse. (Darn. Stuck in sentence partials again.)

Monica said...

Murph, did you see this???



http://www.bookninja.com/?p=5521

Trisha Pearson said...

It was very nice of you to save your friends from the shoe smell. I wish my sons would be that considerate with their stinky shoes. Sometimes the entry way smells like a locker room!

Kelly said...

Actually one pound is not bad considering all the beverages, burgers, and sausage consumed over the weekend!

Paul Michael Murphy said...

I had not, Monica. If I were a more frequent reader, I might take a stab at it. Plus, I have a hard enough time coming up with stuff for this blog.

Tracy Edward Wymer said...

I wonder what makes your feet stink? Diet, genes, eating too much cheese? I've exercised regularly my entire life and never had the problem. I'm digging into this enigma.

Paul Michael Murphy said...

If it could help your research, I'd be happy to send along one of my soiled socks.

Tracy Edward Wymer said...

Are those really your running shoes?

"mojecor"

Paul Michael Murphy said...

No.

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