Saturday, January 23, 2010

She's Gone

My hands are still shaking.

I just clicked the SUBMIT button and sent off the YA. Couldn't they have come up with a better term than SUBMIT? For a writer who just sent his work out into the big scary agenty world, the word takes on a meaning that I'm sure the gmail programmers did not intend. Because just before I clicked the button, I had the feeling that I was bent over, grabbing my ankles, and waiting for something prodding to make an unwanted appearance. SUBMIT, indeed.

Right. So I sent the YA and now comes the waiting. This is where I'm supposed to bemoan the sluggish pace at which things occur in the publishing industry. I'm not gonna do it, though. The SUBMIT button was depressing enough, so how about something positive? Here's how I'd like things to go next:

1. On Monday, the person to whom I sent it calls (because I might not get to my email right away) and says, "I've read the first ten pages and I'd like to sign you right now. You didn't send this anywhere else did you?"

2. I sign.

3. "Oh, did I mention that it's perfect as it is? No revisions necessary. Never have I seen such a polished story from an unpublished writer. Actually, now that I think about it, I've never seen such a polished story from any writer. I can see my reflection in this story, and it's actually better looking that the real life me."

4. I act all humble and say something self-deprecating.

5. Agent laughs. Uproariously.

6. Book is sold by Friday.

7. Book is in stores by March because the publisher is hurting and needs a massive infux of cash ASAP and ever since my halftime appearance at the Super Bowl people have been threatening to destroy New York if the publisher doesn't get moving.

8. Book flies off the shelves faster than John Edwards can say "Oops."

9. Oprah calls. She wants me on her last show. I decline.

10. With all of my money and power I decide to purchase New York. I rename it New Murph. I refuse to live there, however, until Times Square is turned into a huge outdoor library stocked with books whose pages have all been laminated, at least until I find a way to control the weather.

And in honor of the title, here's this:


Anita said...

And what happens to all your devoted followers in this scenario? Huh?

DebraLSchubert said...

Never fear, that's exactly how it works. Can't wait to see your book in the stores next month. ;-)

Jonathon Arntson said...

I guess I could do New Murph, is it better than the old one?

Ocean Girl said...

Will you go on Jay Leno?

Tracy Edward Wymer said...

Hold out for Conan, wherever he ends up.

Heather Kelly said...

I don't think said agent can wait until Monday. Expect the call at any moment.

But--good luck. I've got fingers all crossed.

Myra said...


And PS: Twitter is NOT the scourge of the universe. It is NOT.

Sarah said...

love the choice of music... it still cracks me up how serious they can look when dressed like that - hehe

Tina Lee said...

Awesome! And that song captured it for me. Oh, I.. Oh, I... Oh, I... am pulling for you(and her).

Monica said...

i love your vision, Murph. Can i live in New Murph?

Paul Michael Murphy said...

@Anita--Would a mention on the acknowledgments page satisfy you?

@Jonathon--Undoubtedly. The old Murph has sewage issues.

@Ocean Girl--No. Jay Leno sucks.

@Tracy--I'm hoping HBO, so I can swear.

@Myra--It is.

@Sarah--They do look pretty sweet. Know what else is sweet? Whatever Oates is doing at about 4:06 of the video.

@Monica--Sure, why not. Just try not to let your Canadian show too much.

Anita said...

Only if my name is specifically mentioned. And I'll have to proof it.

Betty said...

I've got my fingers crossed that it all plays out so great! Plus, I can't wait to vacation in New Murph. :-)

Tracy Edward Wymer said...

I love HBO, though of late it is disappointing. I watch Entourage, even though the show is only 24 minutes long. What's up with that? We actually cancelled HBO after Entourage ended. We'll sign back up next season.

Casey McCormick said...

Well, while that's all playing out, let me congratulate you on finishing and getting it out there!

I also left you an award on my blog, if you're interested in such things.

Keep us updated as you can!

Kelly said...

And this song HAS to be the theme song on your HBO series.
Don't forget the little people! (I mean us your followers, not the height challenged people, but go ahead and include them in your success too)
Good luck! (and thanks a lot! I will never think of SUBMIT the same way again!)

Jenny Woolf said...

You'd need a coffee stall in Times Square, admit it