The Best Snack Ever

I've spent the night watching The Madness and now, despite CBS's best laid plans, both games are at the half. (And I'm happy to report that Memphis is getting trounced.) So I figured I'd tell you about the snack I just had.

I was sitting on the couch and, although I wasn't remotely hungry, decided I needed to eat something. Mother Hubbard must be in charge of buying our groceries, but I did manage to find one last bag of microwave popcorn. (And while I'm on it, who the Helvetica keeps bones in their cupboards?)

I tossed the popcorn in the microwave and pushed the button labeled POPCORN, but nothing happened. I pushed it again. Nothing. So I pushed it a couple more times. I was just about to give up on the whole thing when I remembered that I once owned a microwave without the POPCORN button and that it was, in fact, possible to pop corn by entering the time using the number keys. Of course, I didn't remember how long I was supposed to do that for, but I stood next to the microwave and listened for the popping to abate.

When it was done I opened the fridge. No pop. No Gatorade. No grape Kool-Aid. The only beverages in there were a two-month old two liter of Coke with three or four flatter-than-Natalie Portman swallows left in it, some white milk, and, miracle of all miracles, chocolate milk (the good kind). Needless to say, I poured myself a tall glass of the stuff and enjoyed what was perhaps the greatest snack ever conceived by man. And then, just when I thought the night couldn't get much better, I looked up and saw that Satan's team was heading to the half with a three point deficit.

Life is good.

(Not so much for Old Mother Hubbard's dog, though. I mean, have you read that thing recently? Here's just a snippet:

She went to the baker's

To buy him some bread;

When she came back

The dog was dead!

She went to the undertaker's

To buy him a coffin;

When she came back

The dog was laughing.

My reaction. Considering this was read to most of us as kids, it's a wonder we don't all have bones in our cupboards.)