Thursday, March 26, 2009

The Best Snack Ever

I've spent the night watching The Madness and now, despite CBS's best laid plans, both games are at the half. (And I'm happy to report that Memphis is getting trounced.) So I figured I'd tell you about the snack I just had.

I was sitting on the couch and, although I wasn't remotely hungry, decided I needed to eat something. Mother Hubbard must be in charge of buying our groceries, but I did manage to find one last bag of microwave popcorn. (And while I'm on it, who the Helvetica keeps bones in their cupboards?)

I tossed the popcorn in the microwave and pushed the button labeled POPCORN, but nothing happened. I pushed it again. Nothing. So I pushed it a couple more times. I was just about to give up on the whole thing when I remembered that I once owned a microwave without the POPCORN button and that it was, in fact, possible to pop corn by entering the time using the number keys. Of course, I didn't remember how long I was supposed to do that for, but I stood next to the microwave and listened for the popping to abate.

When it was done I opened the fridge. No pop. No Gatorade. No grape Kool-Aid. The only beverages in there were a two-month old two liter of Coke with three or four flatter-than-Natalie Portman swallows left in it, some white milk, and, miracle of all miracles, chocolate milk (the good kind). Needless to say, I poured myself a tall glass of the stuff and enjoyed what was perhaps the greatest snack ever conceived by man. And then, just when I thought the night couldn't get much better, I looked up and saw that Satan's team was heading to the half with a three point deficit.

Life is good.

(Not so much for Old Mother Hubbard's dog, though. I mean, have you read that thing recently? Here's just a snippet:
She went to the baker's
To buy him some bread;
When she came back
The dog was dead!
She went to the undertaker's
To buy him a coffin;
When she came back
The dog was laughing.
My reaction. Considering this was read to most of us as kids, it's a wonder we don't all have bones in our cupboards.)

5 comments:

Anita said...

I'm very happy for Natalie...good for her, avoiding augmentation. Hey, just realized that in the middle of augmentation is, yep, MEN! Hah!

Also, have not watched one second of basketball and can't stand chocolate milk. Why am I even at this blog?!!! :)

Paul Michael Murphy said...

Murph: Where else are you gonna get Mother Hubbard, Jeffrey Dahmer, and Natalie Portman all in one post?

Anita: Good point, Murph

Kelly said...

Ha! Ha!
I hope you know that every time you blog about chocolate milk, I feel the need to make myself a glass...(with the syrup of course).

The Wife said...

I would think you would be nicer to Natalie, considering how you recently confessed to an embarrassing level of Star Wars geekiness. Many nursery rhymes are disturbing now that I am an adult. Yikes. And how did you break the microwave?

Monica said...

nicer to natalie, Wife? he'd probably be speechless in awe of her presence, were he to meet her in person.

and he probably didnt mean to break the microwave. You know how men are.