The Order of Odd-Fish Week---James Kennedy Interview, Part Four

Before we get to the fourth and final part of the interview, a warning: Do not, under any circumstances, start reading The Stand any time soon. Unless, of course, you enjoy sleepless nights, paralyzing fear that someone in your presence will cough, and the possibility that life for us humans may be nearing its end. (I'll bet King didn't figure on pigs bringing us down, though.)

Today's interview questions have nothing at all to do with writing, so if you're looking for that sort of thing you should read the back issues. The following will enable you to get to know the real James Kennedy better than you probably realized you wanted to. You can know a person through his deeds. You can know him through his words. You might even make some accurate assumptions based on his shoes. But most of all, you can get to know a person by seeing how he refuses to be confined by a multiple choice format and instead gives whatever answer pleases him, thus rendering the title of this segment totally misleading.

Pick ‘Em:

90210 or Dawson’s Creek?

V.

Team Edward or Team Jacob?

Team Vulturi

Back to the Future or Indiana Jones?

Blue Velvet

Store-bought chocolate milk or mix your own?

I hate milk. (Editor's note)

Motley Crue or GN'R? (in their respective heydays)

I believe that the true heydays of both bands are still ahead of them. The true question is who would win in a fair fight: Dr. Feelgood or Mr. Brownstone?

Rappers: East Coast or West Coast?

What, no love for Midwest rappers?

Mario Kart or Simpsons Road Rage?

I bike or take public transportation.

Go for two or kick the extra point?

Switch the channel.

Cha-Cha Slide or Macarena?

Butoh

Best Jedi Perk: Mind-trick, telekinesis, or lightsaber?

Best Jedi perk is starting life as Ewan MacGregor and ending it as Alec Guinness.

And now, a reading. This one co-stars my daughter, who is two and a half. (Editor's note: The exploitation of Little One for the purposes of entertaining the readers of this blog was approved by The Wife.) As usual, Little One steals the show. However, because her diction is in the developmental stage, I have provided the transcript below. (Oh, and note the knife Little One wields. Pure happenstance, but it works, eh?)

Transcript:

In a flash of inspiration Ken Kiang barked "steak and eggs" and shoved the menu back at the waiter. Yes--steak and eggs must come with a steak knife! He could then kill the Belgian Prankster with the knife. It was a beautiful plan. Ken Kiang marveled at his own ingenuity. He was so clever it hurt.

"Actually, Mr. Kiang, it is fortunate you dropped by," said the Belgian Prankster. "There is some business I mean to conduct with you."

"Business!" cried Ken Kiang, standing. "There will be no 'business' between us, you mad Walloon, other than the business of vengeance!"

The Belgian Prankster snuffled merrily. "Still sore from my little joke, Mr. Kiang?"

"No man calls me a boobly-boobly-boo-boo and lives!"

"Oh, but Mr. Kiang, didn't you know?" said the Belgian Prankster slowly. "I am no man."